Mum

It has been a year today that I lost my last parent. That chapter ended with a phone call. " Can I speak with Athana Robben?" Telemarketers always mispronounce my name. " I am calling from Bonner General Hospital. Your mom is here and we don't think she will survive the event". Survive? as in die now or in a couple days. "I have called Hospice and they are on their way, I will have them call you when they get here.". My brother had called only days before to tell me to come up before October, he was on his way to a conference for a few days. His only time away.
The phone rings, "Kristine?, yes, this is Sue from Hospice, your mom is gone." She starts to cry. A "stranger" is crying for my mum. "I tried to get here as fast as I could." I believe them to be angels without wings on Earth.

I miss her. I missed the special foods only she could make. I miss the little nicknames she had for me. "Kristicina" I miss her books. I miss her smell. I don't miss my inability to make her pain since my Dad passed go away. I never saw her after my brother passed. I was supposed to be there but couldn't risk taking any more time away from work.

I didn't want her service to be like my Dad's. Mispronounced names, someone who knew nothing of her, and the music she wanted. I undertook the video/music. Never have I been so stressed as when it wouldn't play just minutes before the service was due to start. Please, God, please don't let me fail my Mum for this last time. It burned on my computer and it played. I made them laugh, and cry.

I feel alone now. No Robin, no Mum, no Dad, and my eldest brother won't return my emails or call me. If he does email it is distant and not in reply to any questions or concerns. I have managed to alienate my sister in law, the last memories of Robin. His children missed out on him. Kalynne was born the day he was sentenced. He was never the same after that. How could he be? I miss them, I miss them all so very much. I wish my Dad could have seen me get my house, something I never thought I would have, watch Roo who looks so much like me when I was little. I wonder if Robin can see it all and is restored to natural happiness and health. Mum is back with Dad, a man who loved her beyond words, but not actions. He was always there at her bedside. I remember when she had brain surgery, I didn't even have to get to her room, I just had to see my Dad's face with the color returned to know she was ok. He doted on her.

A beginning

Okay, I am jumping on board the blogging craze. I know I am late, but had to convince myself that I had something to share.